


memories like fingerprints are slowly raising

by sweetheartbitterheart



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Adult Number Five | The Boy, Angst, Bisexual Vanya Hargreeves, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I looked up so many math puns and jokes and pickup lines, Mutual Pining, Not really if you understand Fiveya, Pining, Pseudo-Incest, Slow Burn, math puns, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27343105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetheartbitterheart/pseuds/sweetheartbitterheart
Summary: Vanya has always been haunted by memories of Five, and when an strange but handsome man takes an interest in her she's equally delighted and mystified. He reminds her so much of her lost best friend.written for fiveya week day 1: memories
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves/Original Character(s)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 165
Collections: fiveya week (round 2)





	memories like fingerprints are slowly raising

**Author's Note:**

> it's finally fiveya week!!!! this story was not supposed to be this long but it really got away from me
> 
> special shoutout to [ellaphunt19](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellaphunt19) for helping me work out some issues when i got stuck. you're a delight and your coffee beats series is some of the sweetest stuff i've ever read 💕💕💕
> 
> title from Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town by Pearl Jam

_Why is absence so heavy to bear?  
– The Umbrellas of Cherbourg_

A memory buried deep unfurls itself as Vanya tosses and turns in her bed. Tangled in her sheets and comforter, she rolls to her side once more, keeping her eyes firmly closed. She foolishly believes she can make herself fall back to sleep by not opening her eyes and by sheer force of will.

But the memory stays sticking to the backs of her eyelids, repeating and repeating. She pulls a pillow over her face, gripping it tight.

It is too much. It is not enough.

After two minutes, she pulls the pillow off, and rolls onto her back. Streetlights shine into her bedroom and a little relief rushes through her. She has never been unable to shake her fear of the dark. She looks to the right at the clock on her nightstand; 4:15am.

The edges of the memory creep right back in. She blinks a few times, trying to block the tears from coming, but it's a futile effort. Soon she is weeping, clutching at her face and hair.

It is November 10th.

Her best friend has been lost to her for 15 years now. She carries his memory like a half-forgotten wish. He has gone somewhere she can't reach and she is still here, existing alone. The loneliness carving a hollow hole inside her, growing bigger and bigger by the year. She thinks she might cease to exist completely one day. The hole swallowing her up entirely.

Her slim arms wrap around her middle as the tears continue to fall. Sad, lonely, little Vanya attempting to comfort herself with a mimicry of a hug.

She lies in bed until the sun comes up then drags herself out of it to make a strong pot of coffee.

Faintly, she hears the sound of rain outside.

-

_"I'm going to ask him tomorrow," Five says, shooting her a self-assured grin. His eyes are bright, full of anticipation._

_Vanya tries not to look too worried or, worse, too scared. "Are you really sure?"_

_"Yes!" he exclaims, "I have my spatial jumps down perfectly. A temporal jump is the next step." He goes on to explain very thoroughly why time travel is the most logical next avenue for him to go down._

_She is content to listen to him endlessly monologue. His eyes become so lively, making him look like an actual thirteen year old instead of a child soldier._

_Five has always been impatient and driven, especially to a point that annoys the others. But Five's ambitious nature had always ignited something in Vanya. His confidence has always given her courage, even if only for a little while._

_"What if he says no?" she dares to ask._

_Five gets that stubborn jut to his jaw that he sometimes does when he thinks someone is baiting him. "I can convince him," he promises. So arrogant. So stubborn._

_Vanya's eyebrows knit together._

_Five's face softens, "Don't worry, Seven. It'll be fine. I know what I'm doing."_

_She sighs, giving up the argument for the night, and then nudges his shoulder. "You know, you can call me Vanya. I have a name now."_

_He rolls his eyes, "I know." A pause. "Vanya."_

_She beams and he nudges her shoulder back. There's a small smile growing on his face that Vanya secretly calls her smile because Five only ever directs it at her._

-

Vanya tries not to let the fact that she's twenty-five and single, with only two brief relationships under her belt, overtake her thoughts much. She tries not to let the isolation close in on her too much.

It's Thursday night and rehearsal let out early, so Vanya grabs an empanada off a food truck, and eats it on her way home. She changes into her nicer jeans and a tighter top and makes her way to the trendy bar she heard her co-workers mention a few weeks ago.

The loneliness has crept too close to her heart lately. She needs touch. She needs connection. She needs a good hard fuck so she can stop thinking for once.

The place is a bit crowded when she arrives but she manages to secure a seat at the bar. She orders a dark and stormy, then surveys her surroundings.

There are a few different groups of men together. Some more rowdy than the next. A smaller group of women are huddled by the pool table, looking like some sort ad. Interest and apprehension swirl in her gut.

The decision is taken away from her though when a man squeezes in to sit next to her. Vanya doesn't hear what he says to the bartender because she's so thrown by his face.

It's a handsome face, quite striking actually. His dark brown hair clearly started out the day with some gel in it but as the day's worn on, it's become a little mussed, like he's repeatedly run his hands through it. He has a sort of angular face and his bottom lip is a bit fuller than his top. Vanya can just faintly make out the almost gray color of his eyes. Even though he's sitting, she can tell he's quite tall.

She bites her bottom lip.

He's so close to what she wants, what she dreams about.

She doesn't notice she's bouncing her leg until a warm hand settles on her knee. She practically jumps out of her skin.

The man is looking at her with amused eyes, "You alright? I feel like I've got the Energizer Bunny next to me."

Heat pools in her cheeks and she finds herself beginning to ramble, "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I-I… It's been a long day."

She keeps eye contact with this man while taking a long sip of her drink, allowing the burn of the alcohol to liven her up. Liquid courage, as they say.

A lazy smirk falls on his lips as he slowly lifts his hand off her knee, "I'm sorry to hear that."

Vanya ducks her head, blush still burning brightly. It's not even that she likes this stranger all that much, it's just that it's so nice to have someone engage her in conversation. She doesn't even care that it's only to get in her pants.

The bartender drops off the man's drink. He raises it and gestures for her to do the same with her own. When she does, he clinks his glass against hers, saying with a grin, "Here's to a better night."

They drink.

"I'm Greg." A boring, normal name.

"Vanya."

They don't talk much longer at the bar before Greg asks her if she wants to go somewhere quieter. She happily agrees.

He presses her into the soft mattress in his sad little studio apartment and she welcomes the sensation of being caged in. When he pushes inside her, setting a fast, brutal pace, she stifles her moan with a hand. It's been so long since she's had something like this. The pleasure is almost overwhelming.

His big hands squeeze her hips as he moves her the way he wants. "You're so tight," he rumbles above her.

Vanya feels her muscles clench, slicking up even more, at this man's praises. Her eyes fall shut as he changes positions, angling right for the spot inside her that makes her see stars. She starts whining in earnest when he presses his fingers against the sensitive nub between her thighs.

She can feel the beginnings of her orgasm building in her, from the tips of her toes, spreading molten heat in her abdomen.

"Oh, F-" she bites her lip to stop her words and the taste of blood fills her mouth.

She trembles through her orgasm, thighs squeezing and shaking around his hips. He fucks her rougher, thrusting in and out with abandon, chasing his own climax.

Greg tries to kiss her afterwards, but she leans away, feigning exhaustion.

They doze for about an hour but Vanya convinces him to go another round by straddling his thighs. The hooded look in his eyes gives her a strange sense of power. She rides him furiously, eyes squeezed shut, fantasizing of the one she really wants, the one her heart still longs for.

The name she cries out as her next orgasm hits isn't the one of the man who's inside her. He gives her an odd look but Vanya doesn't care. She got what she needed and she's never going to see this man again anyway.

She only starts crying once she finally returns home.

Because the memories that hang the heaviest are always the ones easiest to recall. Five is a tear that will hang inside her heart forever. Vanya has carried the tear for so long she does not know who she would be without it.

So she dry swallows another pill and crawls into her bed. Haunting, half-forgotten memories plaguing her mind. Like a child, she finds herself stupidly calling out to the universe to keep Five safe wherever he is and more importantly please return him home to her.

-

_Her footsteps lightly pad across the floor on the way to Five's bedroom. Vanya has had another nightmare. She's been unable to calm down by herself. The last time she'd had a nightmare she could not fall back asleep. In the morning when she'd sat through breakfast in a fog Five made her promise to go to him if it happened again._

_When Vanya slips inside his room, she makes a quick dash to his bed. She tugs a little roughly on the blanket so that she can slide in next to him. Five shuffles beside her, turning his face towards her._

_"Vanya?" he asks groggily with his eyes still closed._

_"Yes," she whispers._

_Five throws an arm over her, tugging her closer, and opens his eyes. "Another nightmare?"_

_She nods, fists her fingers in the sheets. Gently, Five brings a hand to lay over hers until her grip relaxes._

_Tears begin to build behind her eyes, "I was in the dark cold room again. The walls were closing in. I tried calling out for someone, anyone, but no one could hear me. I was all alone."_

_Five pulls her closer until her head rests just under his chin. She shuts her eyes to halt the tears and breathes in the minty smell of toothpaste and his shampoo._

_"That won't ever happen. I'll always find you," he promises, voice rough from sleep._

_Vanya's breath hitches, "It felt so real, Five."_

_He sounds a little more awake now, "But it wasn't. Because I'd get to you, Seven, and take you somewhere safe." The arm on top of her curls her body even closer now._

_Somewhere safe is Five's way of saying not home, not where Reginald could get to them. Somewhere far away, that only they knew about._

_Slowly, she feels Five's fingers lazily drawing patterns along her back and it takes her a moment to realize it's an equation. She gradually begins to smile. She's not alone in the cold dark room. She's with Five. He's holding her and she can hear his heart beating._

_Soon she falls asleep with her face nuzzled in the crook of his neck and her hand over his heart._

-

There is a man staring at her in the coffee shop.

Vanya tries to ignore him, keep her head down, but his piercing gaze is causing somersaults in her stomach. The man's eyes meet hers and her mouth goes dry. His face is almost familiar, somewhat haunting. He _is_ handsome though, black hair, sharp cheekbones, a strong brow. Anxiety and excitement prickle underneath her skin. She watches this man assess her carefully before furiously writing something down in a book.

She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and nervously readjusts her scarf.

Her voice comes out tight as she orders a coffee. Fumbling with money to pay, she awkwardly over-tips and nearly knocks over a display of gift cards on the counter.

Once the latte is in her hands, she takes a small sip, not even minding the slight burn it brings to her tongue. She glances briefly over to the corner of the shop to see the man still looking at her. It's not a lascivious look but careful and studious. She cannot think of anything that would be so interesting about her that would cause a stare like that.

Vanya is almost out the door when there's a tug on her elbow. "Excuse me? You dropped this," a smooth voice commands her attention.

She turns around and is unprepared for the handsome man in the corner to be the one now addressing her. His eyes rake over her face with thoughtful concentration. "Oh," she breathes, eyebrows raised.

The man hands her the two dollar bills that must've fallen out of her wallet when she paid for the coffee.

"Thank you," she tells him sincerely. Her face begins to blush under his steady gaze.

"You're welcome."

They walk out of the coffee shop together, shoulders brushing.

Before the man can turn and walk the other way, Vanya finds herself saying, a little accusingly, "You were staring at me in there."

He pauses, angling his body towards her in an intimidating manner. Heart pounding, she raises her chin. She grew up in a house with children who were turned into weapons, predators in their own right, she won't allow herself to be scared of this peculiar man.

Although for all she knows he's a serial killer.

The man's lips quirk upward just the barest amount, "You caught me. I was."

Her brows knit together, "Why?"

The man's gaze goes from apathetic to amused. "Would you believe me if I said it was because I think you're pretty?"

A pleasant buzzing starts in her chest and spreads throughout her whole body.

Vanya huffs out an embarrassed laugh, "I… I don't, uh… No, I wouldn't."

He doesn't look surprised or offended by her answer. He simply nods and continues to assess her face intently. It's then that she finally notices his eyes are green in color and that realization lights something up inside her.

"How unfortunate for me."

Frazzled, she opens and closes her mouth a few times, but before she can respond the man is already turning to walk away.

"See you around," he calls over his shoulder.

 _Strange_ , Vanya ponders.

-

_Father has berated her violin progress quite brutally today and Vanya is a little lost at how to recover. She wipes shamefully at the tears sprung from her eyes._

_Too caught up in her shame, she doesn't even notice Five strolling into her room. She startles when he places his hands on her shoulders._

_"One day you'll be first chair in a grand orchestra and doing magnificent solos and you won't even remember what that bastard had to say anyway," Five says so casually, so matter-of-fact like he can see into the future and that's exactly where she is._

_Vanya tries to hide her blush by ducking her head but Five tilts her chin back up with a gentle hand. "And I'll be at every concert, right in the front row."_

_She feels like she's lighting up from within._

_"You won't be too busy discovering some new mathematical theory, Professor?" she teases and his eyes flash._

_"Not too busy for you."_

_That startles a laugh out of her._

_He almost looks offended, "It's true."_

_"Five, last week you kicked me out of your room because you said I was tapping my pen too loud and you needed complete silence to focus on your equations."_

_He scoffs, gearing up for an argument._

_She takes his hand in hers, "It's okay. I understand. You know how I get sometimes when people watch me practice."_

_The sting of father's words has faded somewhat but her chest still feels tight with anxiety._

_"You sounded better than you did last week," he assures her._

_"Really?"_

_He gives her an impatient look but it's also fond. "Yes. I don't say things I don't mean."_

_Before she can think about it, she leans forward and kisses him very gently on the cheek. Both their faces turn red after the fact._

_Vanya can't find it in her to care though. She's managed to make Five speechless and that feat has her whole body buzzing._

-

Sexual frustration reaching an all-new high after getting stared at by that man in the coffee shop nearly every day leads Vanya to this nightclub on a Saturday night. She drinks a little more than she normally would and tries to forget herself in the push-pull of dancing bodies.

In the midst of the dancefloor, she does eventually see something to her liking.

The woman is tall, much taller than Vanya, and she's all long, lean lines. Her black hair is short, cut just above her jaw. Her cheekbones are sharp and her lips are set in a smug smirk.

Vanya can't stop looking at her.

The woman catches on, eyes raking over Vanya and making her feel very self-conscious. She's so flustered she hardly notices when the woman saddles up beside her.

"Well, aren't you cute," the woman drawls. She smells like whiskey and vanilla.

Vanya stares up at her with wide eyes. Her body blooming into a full body blush.

It only takes two drinks before they decide to leave together. Vanya hungrily kisses this woman, Elise, as she pulls her into her apartment then her bedroom.

Vanya lets Elise take charge, allows her to guide Vanya down on the bed so that she can lavish attention and praise on Vanya with an expert tongue and fingers. Every swipe of Elise's tongue has her keening and moaning. She holds Vanya's thighs apart with a firm grip and the possessive gesture only makes her wetter, leaking onto her sheets.

"God, you're so wet," she mumbles when she pulls away for breath.

Vanya can only whine and rock her hips upward, begging for more. Elise smirks and swirls her tongue on her clit, sucking hard enough it almost hurts.

When Elise calls her a good girl just as she comes, Vanya nearly whites out from the pleasure.

-

_Vanya had been so excited to be included in her siblings new training that she didn't even care it involved dancing. She didn't even mind the times she was partnered with Diego because the times she was paired with Five completely made up for it. Ben was a nice partner to have too but Klaus so rarely allowed anyone else to share him. She wasn't the best dancer, not like Allison and Klaus, but she did have some rhythm._

_While Five strained to be the best in all things, his demeanor was almost loose during these dancing lessons. He didn't seem to take it as serious as other training, for it was a sort social training, in case The Umbrella Academy had to go some fancy event._

_Vanya tried not to let it sting that she'd never get to go to any fancy events with them._

_She was still able to find some joy in the dancing lessons. Five would hold her delicately and gently lead her in the steps, commenting dryly all the while. It was in those times when she truly felt like a normal girl, not just ordinary in a house full of extraordinary, but almost light and carefree. She also felt cherished in the way Five tended to her._

_It's been a few days since their last dance lesson but Vanya finds herself practicing the last steps they'd just learned. She's alone in the library, going to grab another textbook from the bookshelf and humming to herself. A yelp falls from her lips when hands settle on her hips._

_She starts swinging the history textbook around to break free from the grasp._

_"Hey! Vanya! It's just me!" Five exclaims, spatial jumping from behind her to stand in front of her._

_She can see that he's trying hard not to laugh at her as they stare each other down. Her face burns bright red. Dropping the textbook to the floor, she sighs and scrubs a hand down her face. Embarrassment fills her._

_Those same hands that had just startled her come to rest on her shoulders._

_"I didn't mean to startle you."_

_She sighs again but nods. His lips quirk._

_Something in his face shifts then. "You need to learn some self-defense," he declares._

_Vanya blinks, "What? Where did that come from?"_

_"You just tried to whack me with a textbook, not a completely terrible weapon by the way, but you should know how to defend yourself. Especially in case we aren't there to protect you."_

_It sounds like this is something Five has thought about before. The way his mouth is downturned and his brows are knitted together definitely signals to Vanya that this is something he's spent time worrying over._

_"Dad has us wasting our time learning ballroom dancing when we could be showing you how to efficiently throw a punch," he rambles on, annoyance coloring his tone._

_Vanya understands where Five is coming from but she can't stop the disappointment and anxiety that's begun sinking in her stomach. She likes their dancing lessons. She likes being included and the closeness she gets with Five. She definitely doesn't like thinking of Five, and the rest of her family, not being there if she ever got in trouble._

_Five finally notices her mind wandering so he tugs on a strand of her hair to regain her attention. He knows she hates that. His eyes search hers, silently imploring where she went._

_"I get what you're saying, Five. I just don't like thinking about you guys not… being there to…" she trails off, her voice small and vulnerable._

_His eyes soften and he grips her shoulders tightly. "It would just be a precaution. Just a way to protect yourself until I got there."_

_Five puts an emphasis on him being the one to find her, to rescue her. It's as reassuring as it is daunting._

_Vanya doesn't have it in her to argue about this at the moment. She slowly nods, face twisting with sheepish discomfort. When he looks like he's going to continue on about this subject, she swiftly picks up the forgotten textbook._

_"I have to finish studying," she informs him, her tone final._

_Her name comes out of his mouth like a frustrated whine._

_She gives him a pointed look. She can be just as stubborn as him._

_He acquiesces, stuffing his hands into his pockets, beginning to pout though he'd deny it._

_"You're welcome to join me," she says primly._

_Five hovers beside her for a little longer, grumbling to himself, but eventually he settles down next to her. She hides her smile behind the curtain of her hair._

-

After two weeks of being watched and assessed by this strange man ( _essentially being eye-fucked_ ), Vanya decides to take some initiative. She walks right over to the corner table he always claims and takes the seat across from him. His head shoots up from scribbling in that book he seems to always have on him.

Vanya clears her throat, "Hello."

He tilts his head in consideration. She thinks him like a predator in that he doesn't look at people, and instead measures them. A thrill runs through her at this notion.

"Hello," he greets her curtly.

Before her nerves can get the betterment of her, she says, "I thought we could drink our coffees together since you're gonna be looking at me anyway."

He chuckles, "Giving me a front row seat, then."

"Yeah, something like that."

Vanya doesn't know where this boldness is coming from but she thinks she likes it.

She sticks her hand out, "Vanya."

The man stares at her hand for a long moment as if the idea of shaking hands is foreign to him. Embarrassed, she's about to pull away when his hand nearly engulfs hers entirely, his grip steady and strong. "James."

He holds her hand a little longer than expected and when she's finally free of his grasp she feels like there are tiny sparks of electricity coming through his touch into hers.

They sit in silence for a little bit, both sipping their drinks and trying to catch the other's eye.

Eventually, Vanya's mounting restlessness urges her to speak. "So, what do you do?" A boring but simple question.

"I'm a professor of applied mathematics."

That piques her interest. "Really? Do you like it?"

He makes a face, "Yes. I only dislike my colleagues."

She nods, "Ah, well, I understand that."

His eyebrows raise at that and he leans forward a little. She thinks he might like to leap across the small table and burrow into her space. "And what do you do, Vanya?"

She smiles a little despite not exactly enjoying talking about herself. "I'm a violinist. I play in the orchestra at the Icarus theater. I also teach violin to children on the side."

James slowly smirks at her as she describes her occupation.

"First chair?"

Embarrassment returns. "Oh, no, third chair." She shifts a little in her seat, avoiding his gaze.

James makes a thoughtful noise, "Maybe I'll visit the Icarus one day when they have an open rehearsal."

Blushing, Vanya turns back to him and she almost wants to roll her eyes. "How sweet and creepy of you."

He looks amused. "Is it? Creepy?"

She huffs out a startled laugh, "We just met."

His eyes soften a little as they catalogue her reaction. "Hm, I suppose I just feel like I've known you a long time," he replies, sounding almost wistful.

Vanya doesn't know how to respond to that. She takes a long sip of her coffee, letting the caffeine invade her system so she can blame that for her anxious energy.

She decides to shift the focus back onto him. "Do you have a favorite number?" She finds herself saying. It's a poor excuse for a flirty line and she tries to hide her grimace.

He hums thoughtfully, "Seven."

Her stomach does a flip. She's sure the look on her face must be one of puzzlement. "Why? What makes it so special?"

"Well, it's a lucky number."

"Oddly enough, you don't strike me as the type of person who cares much for luck or superstitions."

"You might be right," he concedes, smirking, "But seven _is_ the highest probability of occurring as an addition when rolling dice."

"Really?"

He nods, "Not only is seven a prime number, it's also a Mersenne prime, a Woodall prime, a lucky prime and a happy number."

The more he talks about numbers the younger he appears. Excitement seems to pour out of him, like he hasn't been able to share his love of numbers in some time. He mentions certain equations he likes where the number seven is significant, like the Ramanujan–Nagell equation, and brings up the heptatonic scale in music theory.

Vanya's heart gives a painful lurch.

She's reminded so fiercely of Five in this moment that she has to swallow the lump growing in her throat. She wants to simultaneously kiss this man and slap him for daring to remind her of the person she misses most. Yet she almost wants to laugh hysterically, because she's always had a type, hasn't she? And it's always been anyone who reminds her of Five, of her long lost _brother_ , illegally adopted, but still. She wants this man so much in this instance she has to pinch her arm to stop herself from throwing herself into his arms.

In the midst of his enthused rambling, he sips his coffee and Vanya is finally able to cut in, "I'm glad I had a good math tutor growing up so I understood at least some of what you were just saying."

His grin is sharp. She thinks she'd like him to bite her.

"Did I lose you for a bit?" he teases.

She rolls her eyes, "Only a little."

Once her cup is empty, she stands up abruptly. James stares up at her, eyes carefully assessing her face once more. He acts as if he's looking for a specific reaction from her but she's lost as to what it could be.

"Well, this has been…" she searches for the right word, "…something."

A dark strand of his hair falls across his eye and she has an urge to touch it, to brush back from his face. He's strange and probably a murderer. Why does she find him oddly charming? God, she's fucked up.

"It has."

Awkwardly, she bids him goodbye. She's several feet away from the table when he suddenly calls out, "Same time next week?"

She's so flustered she agrees.

-

_Five catches Vanya crying in one of the spare rooms on the third floor after his private training. She had been playing a new piece on the violin for Mom. Truthfully, it didn't sound amazing, but she was getting better and Mom was always a rapt audience. Vanya hit the wrong note at the exact moment Diego came into the sitting room. It was obvious he was looking for Mom and was sorely disappointed when he saw Vanya with her._

_"Stop making Mom's ears bleed with that racket," Diego had complained._

_The disdain in his voice caused Vanya to miss another note. She stopped playing immediately._

_Despite the apparent mistakes Vanya made with that piece, Mom still clapped, beaming proudly. "Oh, honey, you're making such wonderful progress."_

_It didn't matter how kind Mom was being because all she could focus on was Diego's impatient eyeroll._

_"Uh, thank you, Mom," she mumbled before scurrying from the room and the intimidating twirl of Diego's knives._

_So Vanya had run until she found an empty room. When she knew she was well and truly alone she began to cry. Vision blurry with her tears she didn't even notice Five entering the room._

_"Why are you up here? I've been looking for you," he demands impatiently._

_Raising her red-rimmed eyes to his, she opens her mouth to speak but only a sob comes out. Five sighs. She knows he hates it when she cries._

_Five sits down next to her on the floor where she's burrowed herself, knees pulled up to her chest. "What happened?" he asks, his tone much gentler now._

_It takes a minute but Vanya is able to slow her sobs into small hiccups. "D-Diego."_

_Five makes an angry noise, "I'll break his nose."_

_He goes to stand up and spatial jump to complete this mission but Vanya grabs his hand. Her touch settles him._

_"I hate it here, Five," she whispers, more tears falling from her eyes. She hides her face in her knees_

_She hears him sigh again. "I know. I do too."_

_He sits next to her, listening to her cry, even though she knows he despises it. Still the weight of him beside her is a comfort._

_"I wish we could leave."_

_Five's hand finds hers and he grips it tight. "We will," he says fiercely._

_Vanya pokes her up from her knees and catches the sight of steely determination in his eyes._

_"We will," he repeats._

_Hope blossoms in her chest at the intensity of his words. He believes it, so she believes it too._

_She can't help but ask, "You promise?"_

_The grip on her hand increases to an almost painful hold. "I promise. We'll go wherever you want."_

_The love she feels for him in this moment renders her unable to speak. She leans her cheek on his shoulder and after a moment he rests his head atop hers._

-

The next time they meet Vanya has come to the coffee shop with words for James in mind.

After ordering her standard caramel latte, she meanders over to him at his chosen corner table. The way his eyes light up at the sight of her throws her for a moment but she regains her composure quickly.

"I have a math joke for you," she says eagerly. It's really Ben's math joke, from so long ago. He'd told it to her and Five once. It was silly and frankly terrible but Vanya laughed anyway and begrudgingly Five did too. Ben had been so proud that he got Five to break his concentration. It's a warm memory she keeps close to her chest.

James looks pleasantly surprised. "You do?"

She sits down, undoing her scarf. "Yeah. What do you call a number that can't keep still?"

He pretends to think about it, the beginnings of a smile on his lips. "I don't know."

"A roamin' numeral."

A small laugh bubbles out of him, the sound warm and bright.

She chuckles a little herself. "I know, it's dumb but-"

He cuts her off, "No, no, it's good. I liked it."

They continue to smile at each other. When Vanya's drink is ready, he is quick to jump up and get it for her before she has the chance to.

She graciously takes her cup of coffee from his hands upon his return to the table. Grateful for something to do with her hands, she fidgets with the coffee sleeve.

James eyes her with an almost feral look.

"By looking at you, I can tell you're 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares," he says smoothly

She huffs out a surprised laugh, "What was that?"

"A math pick-up line," he answers, "Since you seem so keen on teasing me with bad math jokes, I thought I'd share a terrible pick-up line I heard a co-worker once say."

"It was pretty terrible," she agrees, "But I think I can one up you."

He's leaning back in his chair now with all the arrogance of a king. She finds it both irritating and arousing. He motions with his hand for her to continue.

"On a scale of 1-10, you're a solid e to the power of pi."

He snorts. "Not bad. I'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl."

Heat rises up her neck. "Alright. I hear you don't like fractions. So will you let me be your other half?"

James grins, "My girlfriend would appreciate that one."

An icy feeling grips her heart. "What? You have a girlfriend?" she sputters, suddenly confused and annoyed.

"She's the square root of -1, so she's imaginary."

This time she laughs loudly, "Oh my god. You're a nerd."

He studies her for a moment, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I am, but I think you are too."

She scrunches her nose partly because she finds him ridiculous and partly because he's right. Ben had always referred to him, her, and Five as the nerd squad. Years later, it seems she still embraces that moniker.

When Vanya leaves the coffee shop that day, she feels lighter than ever before.

-

_Their thirteen birthday comes and Vanya has gotten used to being left out of The Umbrella Academy's celebrations. A party had been arranged for them at some senator's house. Of course, Vanya stays home with Mom and Pogo._

_She and Mom bake the cupcakes she especially likes. She shares them with Pogo, who after politely refusing one gives in when Vanya pouts._

_It's not a completely terrible birthday but still she waits up until the familiar sounds of her family come home. Lying in her tiny bed, she listens as each of her siblings settles into their rooms. She hears Klaus and Ben laughing, and Diego teasing Allison about something, which only causes Luther to scold him._

_Rolling over to her side, she only has to wait 10 more minutes until Five is spatial jumping into her room._

_His voice comes out soft, "Vanya? You still up?"_

_Sitting up, she can't stop a small smile from forming on her lips, "Yeah. Did you have fun?"_

_Five scowls, "Of course not. It was tedious."_

_She stands up, quietly padding over to her desk where she clicks on the lamp. Her bedroom becomes bathed in soft light._

_It makes her blush to see Five still in the academy uniform and her in pajamas._

_"It would've been less boring if you were there."_

_She rolls her eyes, "You don't have to make me feel better just because I didn't get to go to a party, Five."_

_"It's your birthday too."_

_"But I'm not a member of The Umbrella Academy," she gently reminds him._

_He frowns, "You're still a member of this family."_

_Is she though? Most times she doesn't feel like it._

_Suddenly, Five is thrusting something soft and fuzzy at her. In her hands is a white stuffed rabbit with long ears. Vanya looks from the stuffed animal up to Five a few times._

_"Allison got four of those things so in the car ride back here I nicked one. She won't even notice," he explains with a shrug._

_She holds the rabbit more firmly in her arms. It really is quite soft._

_"You're sweet."_

_He goes back to scowling._

_Without thinking, she leans forward to brush her lips against his cheek but he turns at the last second. Their lips meet in a soft kiss. For a moment, they both hold still. It is the barest brushing of lips and yet Vanya feels like an electric jolt has shot through her._

_Five shifts slightly, tilting his head just so, and Vanya lets out a squeak. It prompts him to pull away. They stare at each other with wide eyes and pink cheeks._

_He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly before whispering, "Happy birthday, Seven."_

_The corner of her mouth quirks up as she hugs the stuffed rabbit close to her chest. "Happy birthday, Five."_

-

Later that week, Vanya arrives at the coffee shop before James. She'd forgotten to eat breakfast this morning. The extra pill she'd taken the night before still leaving her stomach unsettled. So along with her mocha latte, she orders a pastry she's been meaning to try.

Vanya takes her order over to the corner table that she now privately thinks of as _theirs_.

She takes a few bites of the Patouda she got, scanning her eyes across the coffee shop for any sight of James. A prickle of anxiety percolates down her spine. Maybe he's not coming today. Maybe after spending some time with her he's realized she's not as pretty or as interesting as he originally thought.

Only about 10 or so minutes pass by with Vanya nervously chewing before James is sitting down across from her. She hopes the relief doesn't show too much on her face.

He looks at the food in front of her with curiosity. "What did you get?"

"A Patouda. It's a Greek pastry filled with honey, dates, and nuts. Would you like a piece?" she offers.

He looks like he's considering it for a moment before shaking his head. "No. I don't think I'd enjoy it as much you seem to be."

She blushes. "Pastries not your thing?"

He smirks, "Let's just say I'm more of an experimental eater."

"Oh?"

"Not through choice."

She's chewing on a piece of her pastry, the honey sticking to the roof of her mouth, so she tilts her head in questioning.

A teasing glint appears in his eyes, shining them a brighter green. "Ever eaten a cockroach?"

She wrinkles her nose, "Like, uh, chocolate covered ants? Or chocolate chip cricket cookies? I think they might have them here, or maybe it's actually this bakery downtown that has them."

He's looking at her with amusement and she's starting to feel embarrassed. "Not exactly."

She laughs awkwardly, "You just had the urge to eat an insect one day?"

He smirks, "Something like that."

"You're weird."

"Weird is subjective."

He sips his coffee and she finishes her pastry. When she meets his eyes again, they're soft focus, hazy with something she doesn't quite understand.

"Have dinner with me," he says suddenly.

Her eyebrows shoot up, "You want to have dinner with me?"

"Very much."

She chuckles, "We won't be eating any cockroaches, will we?"

"No insects at all."

She takes a long sip of her coffee, considering. Anxious energy begins to surround him the longer she takes to answer.

After a minute, she smiles shyly, "I'd like that."

James grins, the flash of his teeth sharp.

-

_Those first few days after Five disappeared are murky to Vanya. She goes about her routine in a fog. She takes her pills, eats at mealtimes, goes to class, does her homework, plays violin. Everything blurs together. The others cast looks at her occasionally but the only people to engage her in conversation are Pogo and Mom._

_The breaking point comes when she passes by Five's room one afternoon. The door is left ajar, which he would never allow. Vanya's feet move without thinking. She stands in his room, stares at the equations marring his walls and the piles of notebooks scattered all over the place._

_All at once, panic seizes all her senses._

_This time when she's sobbing alone in a spare room, Ben finds her. He sneaks up quietly and nervously places a hand on her shoulder. Whereas Five has never been fond of touch, Ben has always been afraid none of them want him to touch them because of his monsters, so he hardly ever initiates it._

_For a brief blinding moment, Vanya thinks it's Five, but when she opens her eyes to see Ben peering at her she tries to hide her disappointment. Tears start anew. Like a small child, she throws herself into his arms. Ben hugs her tight, murmuring soothing words and rubbing her back. He doesn't say anything, simply allows her this outlet._

_When she's all cried out, she lifts her head from Ben's chest. She knows she looks a mess with her wet eyes, runny nose, and trembling lips._

_"I know you're sad right now, but if it makes you feel any better, I'm angry," he admits and she frowns in confusion so he continues, "I'm angry with him. For taking off like that. For leaving you… us behind."_

_"He just want-" she starts, her voice thick._

_"You don't have to defend him," interrupts Ben. She catches the anger in his voice now._

_Furiously wiping at her face, Vanya shakes her head. She misses Five too much to be angry with him right now. Ben takes her hand in his._

_"I just miss him," she says brokenly._

_Ben sighs, "I know."_

_It's only sometime later that the anger and the resentment come to her. Sometimes she lets those feelings burn hot inside her. She doesn't think about Five on those days. The loneliness never leaves her though._

-

Once their coffee dates become dinner dates, soon they're seeing each other almost every day. Vanya finds herself completely enthralled with this man. It eases the aching loneliness that's lived inside her for a decade.

It's been years since she's really dated anyone and the novelty of this newfound happiness is definitely not wearing off anytime soon.

James is dropping her back off at her apartment after they've had dinner together for the third night in a row. They're standing close together on her stoop, both reluctant to say goodbye for the evening. He tucks a strand of hair out of her face and the casual touch leaves her wanting.

Vanya feels something in her surge then, something that pushes her to close the gap between them.

James kisses back with a ferocity that surprises her. It makes her laugh a little giddily when she pulls back. "Have you wanted this a while?"

He answers her with another kiss – this one softer, but no less intense, charged with emotion. "More than you know," he replies, "I've been waiting for you."

She blinks, stunned and delighted by this admission.

Vanya invites him inside but they go no further than a very heated make-out session on her couch. His kisses alternate between feral and gentle, but he holds her like she is something precious. He nips at her bottom lip causing her to whimper.

"You liked that?" he pants against her mouth.

"Yes," she murmurs, squirming in his grasp.

He trails kisses down her throat, nipping and biting in earnest, deliberately leaving marks behind. Vanya feels her body thrum at the attentiveness.

-

_Vanya has her nightly ritual._

_She lies in bed until the lights go out and everyone goes to sleep, and she slips downstairs to make a sandwich for Five._

_Oftentimes, she pauses in the sitting room and looks up at that grand painting Father had commissioned of Five. It may hold many similarities but it'll never capture the stubborn jut of his jaw or the defiance in his eyes. She can never look at it for long without wincing._

_The ingredients for Five's favorite snack are all in the same cupboard so she takes them out one by one. She could make this sandwich in her sleep. When she finishes, she takes the treat and sets it down in the hallway._

_Those first few nights she did this, she made herself a sandwich too. But now if she tried to eat this particular snack she knows it would sit in her stomach like a stone._

_After flicking the lights on, she casts one last longing look out into the hall before carefully tiptoeing back upstairs._

_The light of the moon shines into her bedroom as she scurries back under her covers. She lies there, anxious and sad, foolishly hoping that tonight will be the night Five returns home. She calls out to the universe that if they can't return him yet can they please keep safe until he can come home to her._

_The nightly ritual always ends in Vanya's tears shed onto her stuffed rabbit._

-

Tonight for their date, Vanya had decided she wanted to cook. It's not her best skill, she can put together a few decent meals, but she's secretly hoping after the meal things might tread further than kissing.

James mostly watches her move around her kitchen with a smile. It's almost wistful and reminds her a little of someone but she can't exactly pinpoint it.

They're just about to eat when Vanya remembers she has wine and rushes to grab it from the fridge, telling James which cupboard to find the wine glasses in. She successfully uncorks the bottle and turns around only to have her reality completely shift.

James' shirt sleeve rolls up a little as he reaches for the glasses and she catches sight of a horribly familiar tattoo.

Vanya feels her whole world bottom out, black spots appearing before her eyes, her body painfully colliding with the floor. The room is spinning out before her and she feels dizzy trying to hang onto it.

A punctured sob rips from her throat and then there are arms cradling her against a broad chest. She is held securely, rocked gently, as soothing words are whispered against the crown of her head.

_Five._

It's Five, holding her and offering comfort. _He's here. He's here. He's here._

"F-Five," she cries, voice cracking on his name, "You came back."

"I did, Vanya."

A new series of sobs wracks her body at the sound of his voice and Five makes a pained noise in response, pulling her closer to him, his heartbeat right up against her heartbeat.

They sit like that on her kitchen floor for some time, her crying into his chest and him running fingers through her hair.

Gradually, her sobs fade into hiccups. She tilts her head back to look up at him, trying to memorize his face. She always knew he'd grow up to be handsome.

"I was always going to tell you," Five admits in a low voice.

"Were you?" her voice comes out bitter and small.

He frowns, "Of course, Vanya. The people I used to work for would love nothing more than to see me dead and they would gladly use you against me. I needed to make sure it would be safe before telling you. I would never purposely put you in danger. You have to believe me on that."

His green eyes burn into her, frustrated and desperate. The longer it takes for her to response the more tense he becomes, the grip he has on her tightening.

If he is truly back for good, then there will be more time to be angry, to demand answers from him, but at this moment she is just so relieved that he's come home to her.

She lets him stew for another minute before slowly raising a hand to his cheek.

"I believe you," she whispers.

He presses his forehead against hers.

"I waited for you."

"I waited for you too. I missed you so much."

She presses a kiss against his lips, deep and bruising. A strangled noise leaves his throat but he kisses back with eagerness.

"What are you doing?" he gets out between kisses.

"Making up for lost time."

**Author's Note:**

> if it wasn't clear, five knows vanya caused the apocalypse in that other timeline and has come back years before 2019 to fix things (aka reunite with the love of his life and help her)
> 
> i'm writing a companion to this with five's pov but i don't know exactly when it'll be finished or posted
> 
> thanks for reading!


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